Have you ever entered into a relationship and, after a while, noticed things about yourself that you didn’t before? Things you do, habits, responses, ways of dealing with certain situations. Before we met this person these aspects of our personality stayed hidden, not from the world, but from us. We were blind to them.
Maybe your partner has said to you at one point – “why do you do that?”
And what’s your response?
You’re often unaware of how you’ve programmed yourself to handle situations, or habits you’ve got into over the years..
Until someone points them out!
I refer to partner and relationships here because I think that’s who we can be most vulnerable in front of and be less afraid to be ourselves.
I think when you’re fresh in a relationship, you hold some part of yourself back. It takes time to become more comfortable with that person. But overtime, providing things are going AWESOME then you’ll relax, and start to go on auto-pilot.
And this is where your partner could realise little (or big) things you do. It might be that you can be a bit of a stress head and have a short fuse (guilty!) or that you hate confrontation and just buckle at the first sign of a fight (okay that’s me too). As we begin to open up around this person, they can start to shine a light on the thinks that we’re unconscious of. And that’s where I want to get into the meat of this article.
If your partner is good at pointing out these (potentially but not always) bad habits then it may hurt a little to hear them. You will probably start to get defensive, angry and upset. After all, it’s not your fault, it’s who you are.
It can begin to make you question why you do things and (in my opinion) this is all down to past experiences. We are a walking reflection of what’s happened in our past, both inside and out. Most of the time we don’t want to dig up things that happened in the past in order to understand why we are the way we are, but it’s important in order to move forward and grow. Sure it’ll make you feel uneasy, afraid and super vulnerable, but the very fact that you’re recognising these traits proves that you are STRONG. You’re no longer on auto-pilot, you’re in the driving seat.
Having a partner and letting them into your life can throw a lot of emotional balls up in the air. Allow it to happen. Observe your reactions to them pointing out your “flaws”, know that you’re feeling defensive, upset, uneasy and connect it to an experience of your past. Understand that it’s not your partner prompting these emotions in you, it’s your past experience.
I called this article “letting in the light” because these aspects of your personality were in the dark before this person came along. Your partner is the light, finding their way through the darkness of your soul. Along the way they’ll notice things, parts of you, that you didn’t before.
And that’s okay, let in the light. Don’t take it personally, be grateful for it. They’re helping you heal and grow to be a stronger person than you were before.
Let in the light.