Actually, the changing part is quite easy.
It’s accepting the change that’s hard.
The frustrating thing is, we’re constantly changing, aren’t we? The world is changing, we’re changing. We’re ever growing, expanding, evolving. So it means we’re thrown the challenges of change regularly.
Recently I have become super self aware of when things are changing – when I’m changing. I try not to live my life so unconsciously anymore. I journal (almost) daily to check in with myself and make sure that I’m 100% on board with where I’m going and what’s happening in my life. It might seem like over kill but how often do you run on auto pilot? Just go through day to day without really thinking about what you’re doing, where you’re going?
We’re happy in routines, we’re happy doing what we know is safe and comfortable. Is it a survival thing? Wanting to stick with an environment that we know? I’m not sure.
The ‘Comfort’ Zone
It’s like when people say do something that puts you out of your ‘comfort’ zone. Well I guess I’m learning to maintain a level of comfort whilst constantly changing the zone. The thing is though, change is uncomfortable. It’s not in my nature to constantly move about and be in limbo.
The thing I’m starting to wonder…
is that my comfort zone?
Is moving about and changing my life so constantly becoming what I need to do?
Sometimes I feel so off base with what I’m doing with my life I wonder how to even get back on track. What truly makes me happy? What do I feel obliged to do? Am I doing things to please others?
I’ve spoken about in the past about being a people pleaser – how this massively affects the decisions I make and how I live my life. Let me say right now to any other ‘people pleasers’ out there – this ability to overly think about others is a gift. It’s how you use it that matters. It’s so easy to use it at the detriment of ourselves. People will unconsciously tap into it and attempt to take advantage. It’s about having the strength to say no without being harsh and educating the person in why.
I am getting better in knowing what’s right for me and being able to say no to others. It doesn’t come naturally so it’s finding the balance between genuinely wanting to help and the feeling of needing to please.
And I think for me, that makes change even more challenging. Because it’s not just about me anymore, it’s how that change affects others too. I associate it with being empathic, in that I put myself in the situation of others and feel what they’re feeling and that can sometimes override my own desires, making decisions therefore based on how it will affect others than myself. There’s a link for sure between being a people pleaser and being empathic.
I’m not writing any of this for pity or sympathy, far from it, I guess I’m unloading to (maybe) show others what it’s like living in these shoes, what it’s like from my perspective.
Out of Nowhere
The other thing about change is that it can hit you out of nowhere. Like a complete sucker punch to the face. And how do you deal with that? When you never saw it coming?
You have to trust that it was for the best, that the change is happening for a reason. You have to believe that. Because your emotions matter, and the emotions have lead to the change. I read a post on Facebook a little while ago which was basically saying that the way you’re feeling is valid. And for no one to tell you that the way you’re feeling doesn’t matter. Because it does, because it’s real – because you’re feeling it!
Even though we might not have all the pieces of the puzzle at the time, we know that change is for the best. It’s a clear cut indicator that we’ve grown, that we have changed, and now it’s time for our circumstances to change to match who we are now.
As I said, I’m somewhat unloading here my thoughts on change, how I’m viewing it, experiencing it and my way of coping. I hope that whatever changes are happening in your life, you are tuning into them and understanding that you yourself are changing too.
And that’s okay.
Because it means you’re growing.
And growth is good.
Because it means you have more to give this world.
And this world needs more of you.
One thought on “It’s hard to change.”
A wonderful piece of writing Steve. Spot on. Everything you said is so true. Thanks for sharing 🙏❤️